Not Me

A few nights ago I had the distinct opportunity to have a dream in which I was not me. I do not mean that I was someone else. I was me, I identified myself and recognized my soul. I respopnded to my name and Knew that David was my husband an that I had two kids. So what I mean when I say not me, is that I acted and was treated in a manner that is not conducive to my personality. I am inately shy and to deal with that in a group setting I tend to don a personality that is a bit sardonic and sarcastic. Or i am the perfect host and mother. I (like most people) hide who I really am behind various masks so that I don't have to deal with myself. In my dream I was nice and was adored and treated nicely by people. Don't get me wrong I am not a bad person I am just not the type to be adored. I prefer to match make and fix things. The only one who has ever adored me is my husband. I did just shoot the question over my shoulder 'Hey hun, do you adore me?' Which is why I feel confident saying that. Though perhaps putting him on the spot like that, there was really only one answer he would give. David is very good at the 'does this make me look fat?' part of our marriage. He always knows the right answer and how to make me belive it. Back to my dream.
In this dream we are in a classroom and people are lipsyncing in groups and we rate them and give them feedback on their lipsyncing. The room is set up oddly with and stage that is only about 2 shallow steps up from the rest of the class and we are fanned out in front of them. The is a small room to the side where people can go to buy food. Frozen burritos. While Groups are lip syncing people are flirting with me and telling me how nice i am. In my dream I am peaceful and happy. I am always smiling. It is like someone gave me a drug or something. While in my dream it seems okay, I woke up feeling uncomfortable with it. The Me in my dream seemed not to care and was unaffected by the world around her. After the groups are done lipsyncing I go to buy a snack and the teacher selling them tells me that the woman before me forgot her change and gives it to me. I have no idea why, I don't know the woman and don't expect to see her. I take the change thinking I will keep it and at the same time wondering why the woman gave it to me. As I walk out the girl before me, a big black woman, catches up to me and wants her change. The change is divided by recipts so I just give her the one on top and walk to my car. As I go I dig in my backpack nonchalantly looking for my keys, I end up sitting on top of my bag as I dig in my bag trying to feel for my keys. I stop by a stand that has all sorts of hawaiian stuff and look around. I ask if the woman has sunglasses and she tells me that she has 2 million in sunglasses if I can find a place to put them. I start looking over the displays not really wanting to help her but wanting a pair of sunglasses and then I am aware of being awake.
Dreams are such odd things. The only part of this that I can without a doubt tell you what it is about is the sunglasses. The kids recently ruined my expensive fossil sunglasses and the sun has been bothering me. I was upset because my mother bought them for me in pasadena when a migrain was bothering me and they were a delightful luxury for me to have sunglasses from Macy's. I usually get sunglasses from target so a brand name and a cute look were...well i reallyliked them. I took care of them and kept them in the case and always put them up. but the kids got to them and scratched them beyond repair. I was upset that they had broken so mething that was mine, that my mother had bought me from Macy's in Pasadna. It was all kind of hurtful. I had mentioned it to David and we talked about it. The rest of it I have no idea. While the me in this dream is peaceful she seems selfish. Keeping the change and not wanting to find the person, not wanting to help the vendor display stuff, and not returning the love to the people who adored her...me...us. I am uncomfortable with the way i..we ..oy...behave in this dream. It is very out of character for me. I love being praised but only when i do something worth it. I like people to say they liked a meal I cooked or that the party I planned was wonderful. I like it when people feel comfortable and sit and chat. I also llike it when I do something that attracts people to me, or if I look good and people coment on it. Praise for Praise sake seems lost on me. Perhaps that is why i am not quite as balanced as I should be. Should I learn to just except love and praise just because? Bleh even the thought makes me annoyed.
Sweet Dreams,
Bec